Grandparent's Responses to Learning That a Grandchild Is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Queer

Background and Purpose: Family members often suffer upon the discovery that a family member is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer (GLBQ), as they may experience an emotional “crisis,” may sever family ties with GLBQ individuals, or minimally, have strained family relationships navigating uncertain terrain. This indicates an important area for social workers to intervene to improve family relationships. Extant research on GLBQ family relationships has focused primarily on parent-GLBQ child relationships, leaving a noticeable absence in the literature of the perspectives and experiences of grandparents. The current study extends research about “coming out” in families to incorporate the perspectives and experiences of grandparents. This study asks, How do grandparents respond to the discovery of their GLBQ grandchild's sexuality?

Methods: To respond to this question, I utilize 32 in depth semi structured qualitative interviews with 17 grandparents and 15 GLBQ adult grandchildren. All grandchildren are “out” to grandparents, and interviews are conducted with grandparent-grandchild pairs from the same family, in some instances with more than one grandparent or grandchild. Interviews were digitally recorded and professionally transcribed. For this analysis the interviews with grandparents are privileged to better understand grandparents' perspectives upon learning about their GLBQ grandchild. Transcripts are analyzed utilizing open and focused coding methods (Emerson, Fretz, & Shaw, 1995) and theoretically relevant themes are presented here.

Results: Grandparent participants in this project describe a range of positive and negative responses upon learning about their GLBQ grandchild, as illustrated in three main themes. First, fitting with other literature, grandparents adopted a stance of “non-interference” where they supported their grandchild's desire to live their life as they wished. Second, generational norms of silence around issues of sexuality can make sexually laden conversations with grandchildren or other family members feel awkward or unnecessary. Third, grandparents describe a series of life experiences that have enabled them to come to more positive understandings of same-sex desires and relationships. The roles of gender, race, sexual orientation and religion will be discussed within each of these themes.

Conclusions and Implications: Findings indicate that grandparents who learn about their grandchildren's GLBQ sexuality, may have surprisingly supportive reactions, even in comparison to other family members. Yet because of their unique generational context, grandparents may have less desire as well as less practice talking about issues relating to sexual identity. Social work practitioners could usefully help foster understanding of these generational differences with all involved family members, as well as helping to facilitate intergenerational communication about sexual orientation. Findings also indicate that some experiences may be particularly helpful to helping grandparents come to more positive understandings of GLBQ identities, indicating possibilities for formulating interventions with grandparents, as well as other family members, when a family member “comes out.”