Men's Despair – Women's Resilience: From Widowhood to Re-Partnering in Old Age

Background and Purpose: The ongoing increase of longevity and life expectancy resulting in living longer after the death of a lifelong partner along with the stresses of widowhood is likely to increase the phenomenon of re-partnering in old age.  The aim of this presentation is to learn about the meaning and role of re-partnering in dealing with widowhood in old age among older widowers and widows living in a second couplehood relationship from a (Critical) Feminist Gerontology perspective. The following questions were examined: 1. How did widowers, when compared to widows, experience their widowhood prior to entering second couplehood? 2. How is this expressed within and among couples?

Methods: The experiences of fourteen couples (28 participants) in which both members were widowed were chosen from a larger study on second couplehood in old age which was recruited using criterion sampling: Men who entered second couplehood at the age of 65 + and women at the age of 60 +—married or not—living in separate houses or under the same roof, with children and grandchildren from a lifelong marriage that had ended with the death of their spouse. All semi-structured interviews were tape-recorded, transcribed verbatim and analyzed based on grounded theory principles.

Results: Gender differences were found. Women’s experiences were characterized by resilience in dealing with the loss of a spouse while the men’s experiences described despair. Women’s resilience was experienced without variations, while among men’s strategies for dealing with loss of spouse, variations were found as follows: There were men who were able to build a new life only after finding a new partner. Among these men, there were those who grieved and experienced life without their deceased wives. Others immediately found a new partner without going through a process of bereavement. While there were men for whom re-partnering was a major factor in their recovery, there were those for whom recovery and re-partnering were simultaneous but unrelated. For these men, re-partnering was a major source of renewed meaning, although their recovery was not presented as dependent on it.

 Conclusions and implications: Findings are discussed in light of (Critical) Feminist Gerontology relating to reversal of gender inequality. The innovation of these findings is the gender differences found between widows and widowers in dealing with widowhood, even when both ended up re-partnering. The exploration of gender differences in dealing with loss of a lifelong spouse could contribute to theory development in bereavement studies. Findings could contribute to social workers' understanding of gender inequality reversal among older widows and widowers when counseling older widowed persons and their families in order to be able to address the unique needs of widowers in comparison to widows. Informing older widowers that re-partnering could improve their wellbeing and reassuring older widows and their families that autonomy within re-partnering can be preserved.