Navigating Religious Beliefs: Parents' Journey Toward Acceptance of LGB Children

Background and Purpose:

Parent acceptance and support are critical to the psycho-social well-being of LGB young people.  Parents whose religious beliefs are steeped in more fundamentalist religious doctrine tend to be less accepting of LGB offspring.  Such belief systems contribute to the crisis parents experience in response to children coming out, often distancing or estranging parents from their children. While young people are left feeling unsupported or rejected, parents struggle with the (psychological, social and spiritual) turmoil imposed by deeply held religious doctrine.

There is scant research on parents’ adjustment to sons and daughters coming out as LGB when religious beliefs create the roadblock to acceptance.  This study contributes to current literature by examining 'how parents navigate deeply held, fundamentalist Christian beliefs when children come out as LGB, enabling them to stay engaged with and support their LGB children.’ The study sought to:  (1) understand parent adjustment in light of beliefs that instill anti-LGBTQ prejudice and internal conflict; and (2) identify what facilitates adjustment.

Methods: 

The study employed rigorous qualitative methods using a constructivist, grounded theory approach. Purposive, snowball sampling was used to recruit the 25 parents who identified themselves as ‘Christians’, ‘Fundamentalist Christians’, or ‘Evangelical Christians’ and at the time of their offspring’s coming out associated ‘homosexuality’ with being a sin. Participants were recruited locally and nationally. In depth individual interviews were conducted lasting from 2 hours and included follow-up conversations for further clarification and to address emergent theoretical themes.

Interviews were transcribed verbatim. Using the coding heuristic and constant comparative methods of constructivist grounded theory methodology, data analysis aimed at capturing the psychological/social process and transformative moments of parent adjustment. Reflexive memo-ing was integral to the analysis. Atlas.ti qualitative software was used for coding, memo-ing and overall data management.

Findings:

Results provide a conceptual understanding of parents’ journey toward acceptance through the barriers of religious doctrine. Among the emergent themes were:  harbored secrecy, religious infraction, moral dissonance, existential aloneness, ideological bondage, religious outcast, leaving the flock, wandering tribes and ‘standing in grace’.  Navigating these situated positions as they were plotted across the unfolding storyline of off-spring coming out created a pilgrimage toward negotiated reconciliation as stewards of the faith and of parenthood. The journey becomes one of transformation through definitional testimonies and a witnessing audience within a community of concerned others.

Conclusions and Implications:

Findings underscore the stress placed upon the parent-child relationship when deeply held religious convictions place parents in diametrically opposed positions to their offspring’s LGB emerging identities. Such circumstances leave both parent and child in crisis.  While parents become embroiled in emotional turmoil as they face having to choose between their children and their G_d, youth struggle to sustain a sense of hopefulness in the face of perceived parental detachment or rejection.  Offering support to parents from a position of empathic understanding is imperative to their well-being and to maintaining active engagement in their children’s lives. Helping to create opportunities for the telling and witnessing of personal reconciliation testimonies within communities of concern offers promising practice outcomes.