Parent-Child Communications with Self-Identified out Gay Men: The Content of Their Conversations

Background/Purpose. Parent-child communications on sex, sexuality, and HIV/AIDS are anxiety causing events for both parents and children. However, previous research has shown that parent-child communications can effectively decrease early or teen-age pregnancies, delay sexual debut, and increase safer sex practices among heterosexual adolescents. Contrarily, when examining homosexuality, specifically with individuals who identify as Black/African American or Hispanic, research has primarily focused on HIV/AIDS, has a decidedly ‘reactive,’ rather than ‘pro-active’ emphasis, and often ignores the role and influence of parental support.  This study attempted to fill that gap as there were limited research that has explicitly explored the effects of parent-child communications about sex, sexuality, and HIV/AIDS risk with self-identified out gay men.

Method. A singular one-on-one participant telephone or face-to-face interview, ranging between 45-90 minutes, was conducted with N = 14 unique self-identified out gay males ages (R_a) 18-30, which asked them to retrospectively recall their parent-child communications on sex, sexuality, and/or HIV.  Interviews were recorded and transcribed verbatim. Data analyses were conducted using the iterative inductive and deductive procedures associated with thematic analysis.  Identified themes and codes were then discussed with N = 3 participants taken from the larger pool of participants.

Findings. Participants experiences were categorized into six major themes. These included: a) reasons for the conversations, b) coming out, c) sexual orientation, d) sexual behavior, e) HIV knowledge, and f) prevention.  Many these conversations happened before coming out and addressed issues related to heterosexuality.  After coming out, conversations for some participants became more frequent and encouraged ‘safety’ (i.e., use condoms, do not sleep around, etc.). Surprisingly, throughout these conversational themes, HIV knowledge was the most difficult issue to address, specifically for parents.  Explanations for these issues were based on parents’ realization that HIV was now a realistic issue that could directly affect their son, as well as parent’s exposure to family and friends who suffered, died, and were stigmatized because of a HIV-positive diagnosis. Ultimately, parent-child communications influenced sexual behaviors and attitudes toward sex, and sexuality.

Conclusions and Implications. This study, to our knowledge, was the first to use a qualitative methodology to specifically explore parent-child communications among a sample of self-identified out gay males. The results indicated that parents are often unaware of the semantics of having a gay son, therefore there is a need for some unique techniques and tips about how to facilitate conversations about sex, sexuality, and HIV with their gay sons.  Similarly, the results also highlighted the bi-directionality of having conversations from the child’s perspective. In these instances, children should be willing to address their own sexuality up front, be open to understanding parental viewpoints and concerns, and be patient with their parents as coming out is often an adjustment for parents as well as children.