Demystifying Life inside the Polycule: Negotiating Polyamorous Relationships As Trans and/or Nonbinary

Background and Purpose

People who are trans, nonbinary, and polyamorous (poly) fall outside the scope of traditional norms, values, and assumptions. Gender diverse persons typically re-examine sexual identity, sexual behavior, and relationship structure during their gender journey. Consequently, they are more likely to engage in more complex relationship structures with persons of all genders and sexualities.

Exploring the formation and development of relationships in the gender diverse community as well as the polyamorous community is a lightly trodden pathway. To do so as a collective unit is a barren one. The vast majority of literature that has been published in this area conceptualizes relationships through the lens of a binary gender system and heterosexual monogamy, thus measuring all other relationship forms and structures by these benchmarks. In response to this gap in knowledge, this study aims to explore the relationship formation and development experience of gender diverse persons in the polyamorous community. 

Methods

Ten participants from across the United States, recruited through purposive, snowball sampling, completed a 90-minute interview where they were asked about their dating experience and relationship development from adolescence through adulthood. Participants varied in age (M = 37.4, SD= 9.83) and gender (seven unique genders represented), but were otherwise a fairly homogenous sample of White (80%) persons. All transcriptions were coded using interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA), which consisted of reading through the transcript several times to conceptualize the whole before identifying emerging themes in each case. These themes were then connected, clustered, and compiled into a master table.

Findings

The ways in which persons negotiated relationships was the primary theme among all participants. This was illustrated through six sub-themes. First, boundary negotiation was determined by the age of the relationship structure. Partners new to polyamory established thorough and rigid guidelines that relaxed with time. Experienced polyamorists who added a partner to the polycule temporarily closed the relationship, creating space for new relationship energy (NRE). Second, participants conveyed a reluctance to acknowledge a relationship hierarchy, despite evidence to the contrary. Third, the necessity for communication transparency, clarity, and frequency increased with the addition of each complex layer of identity (e.g. gender, sexuality, sexual behavior, etc.). Fourth, the most common manifestation of envy occurred over the desire to embody the physical characteristics of a metamour or paramour. Fifth, jealousy was understood as a secondary emotion, which resulted in participants' ability to identify and proactively reconcile the root cause. Lastly, compersion for paramours was based on participants’ self-confidence and their ability to manage feelings of envy and jealousy. 

Conclusion and Implications

Although society’s dominant paradigm is comprised of cis-, hetero-, and mono- narratives, there is a need to understand how relationships are negotiated within complex structures. Boundary setting, hierarchical structure, communication, envy, jealousy, and compersion are foundational components that providers can better understood in order to help persons within these polycules successfully navigate healthy relationships.