My Child Rejects Me: Alienated Parents from Separated or Divorced Families

Background and Purpose: More than one million families in the U.S. experience divorce every year. In high-conflict families, where there are high degrees of anger and distrust between parents, parental alienation may occur; that is, children turn against a parent. Previous research has focused on the impact of parental alienation on alienating parents and children, but very little research exists on the alienatedparents themselves. Furthermore, although social workers often encounter families experiencing parental alienation, previous research has examined this phenomenon only in relation to child custody laws, and no empirical research studies have been conducted on this topic in the field of social work. Thus, the primary goal of this study was to explore what alienated parents experience following separation or divorce. Examining this understudied population will likely help social workers provide appropriate services to parents who have experienced alienation and, as a result, have lost their relationship with the child after separation or divorce.

Methods:A purposive sampling method was used, and the sample consisted of five parents (Three mothers and two fathers, age 35-46), who have been alienated and have strained relationships with their children. The sampling strategy involved multiple steps. First, a message was posted on various Internet message boards inviting people to respond if they have experienced separation or divorce. The announcement contained a brief study description and a hyperlink to the study description and consent and to the questionnaire. An internet survey was conducted to obtain demographic characteristics of the parents who have been separated or divorced. From those who completed the online survey, parents who reported having experienced parental alienation were selected to participate in a semi-structured phone interview. 

Participants were asked to describe their relationship with children before and after separation or divorce, the most difficult aspect of the change in the relationship with their children, and the ways in which they cope with the loss of the relationship. All interviews were transcribed verbatim. A thematic analysis of the transcripts was conducted.

Findings: Results showed that, in general, the participants reported feeling hurt about not having the child in their lives and confused about what they should do as a parent. In addition, they felt guilt and blamed themselves for putting their children through the emotional pain of parental divorce and not being able to be there for them anymore. As for the coping methods, four major themes emerged in the findings: self-medication using substances such as alcohol and marijuana, reliance on religious beliefs, social support from families and friends, and focusing on future wishes. 

Conclusions and Implications: This study highlights the difficulties experienced by alienated parents as well as coping strategies they use to deal with their feelings and stress associated with parental alienation. Insight gained from this study can help social workers better understand the circumstances of the alienated parents and identify their emotional support needs.