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Acceptance of gay people has grown, accompanied by a cultural backlash embodied by intolerance of gay people mainly from heterosexual people but sometimes originating in gay people grappling with their identity and its cultural meaning. Little is known about what drives these feelings, how they are viewed by others, and how therapeutic intervention could mediate these feelings. This study explores the experience of a gay man voicing dissatisfaction with his own gay identity and the reactions of others to his statement. Special attention is given to the interaction between this case and an attempt at therapeutic engagement.
Method
Study data were gathered from Reddit, a free online community used by 6% of the world’s population for news and social connection. The reflection essay analyzed in this study was posted in April 2020 in section of Reddit called R/TrueOffMyChest, a community designed as “A place for people who need to speak their mind”. Data, including the essay and all responses, were collected 48 hours after the essay was posted to Reddit, at which time there were approximately 2,000 responses to the original poster (OP).
OP self-identifies as a gay man living in the Midwest United States. Data were analyzed using the interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) approach described by Piekiewicz and Smith (2014), including three cycles of reading, coding, and notetaking, followed by coding notes into themes, and finally clustering themes to make meaning of the data .
Results
OP and respondents describe the pressure of being gay in a way that fits in with societal expectations rather than in a way that feels authentic. The result is a desire to perform as a model minority and to attempt to fit in by “being gay the right way”. Comments describe how the resulting dissonance between authentic selves and expectations leads to feelings of loneliness and separation, and they question who “belongs” in the gay community. The resulting questioning is freeing but also leads to fear and questioning of one’s own identity. Therapy is described by some respondents as a helpful way to address negative thoughts, while OP and others describe is as “worthless” because of feeling dismissed or told to “get over it” by their therapist.
Implications
This research highlights how the thin definition of the gay identity within the gay community and beyond may create pressure for gay people. This pressure can result in internalized self- or identity-hatred, feelings of depression, and the concealment of or desire to change sexual identity. This research emphasizes the importance of recognizing the range of gay experience, even as tolerance increases. Clinically, this research highlights pressures that may feed presentation in therapy and demonstrates the importance of social work listening skills and validation. This project also considers online communities as a way to give a voice to the needs of marginalized communities who are often underrepresented in research.
Piekiewicz, I. & Smith, J.A. (2014). A practical guide to using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis in qualitative research psychology. Czasopismo Psychologiczne Psychological Journal, 20(1), 7-14. doi: 10.14691/CPPJ.20.1.7