Anti-Adopterism As Resistant Knowledge: An Autoethnographic Case Study of Colorblind Distortions in Transracial and International Adoption

Background and Purpose: This autoethnographic case study presents my transracial adoption from Korea to the U.S. as an object lesson in the normalization of white supremacy. Specifically, I investigate colorblind distortions of myself as a “bad daughter” as reflections and reproductions of racism. Clinically, these troublesome feelings are diagnosed as depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I locate these distortions of myself, however, as “internalized oppression” consistent with Black feminism.

This paper makes visible a critical gap in deficit-oriented, developmental perspectives that improperly assign socioemotional and behavioral problems to adopted individuals of color rather than locating such problems endemic to white supremacy. Using my own transracial and international adoption, I illuminate the intimate nature of the epistemological conflict between the race-conscious self-relationship and the colorblind parent-child relationship--where in pursuit of being a “good daughter,” I rejected myself to accept my white adoptive family.

Methods: Using autoethnography as a critical method of inquiry, I unsettle the false dichotomy between self-knowledge and outside expertise in my adoption. Accordingly, I investigate personal memories—such as recalling colorblind advice to “just ignore” racist name-calling. I also reviewed home video and audio transcripts from my first year of placement, Korean to English translated case notes, post-adoption e-mails, selected interviews, and a family memory book as cultural artifacts for triangulation. To engage self-consciously with my own colorblind socialization, I used the heuristic “normal racism” to enhance race-conscious inquiry.

Results: Data analysis demonstrated two major patterns normalizing racism: (1) Displacement is distorted as placement, and (2) Korea is marginalized to center my white adoptive family. I highlight distortions to my displacement as placement--explicitly narrated as me “waiting [to meet my adoptive family]” and “Momma’s got a brand new daughter”—as key factors normalizing racism. I also illustrate how my white adoptive family’s practice of “putting away” my “difference” lead to me “putting away” my own feelings about race and adoption—contributing to isolation and alienation from my white adoptive family.

Significantly, I find racism was “good-natured” bonding in my white adoptive family--contradicting the commonsense viewpoint of white supremacy as an aberration. Importantly, racism as bonding—inclusionary in nature for purposes of maintaining white supremacy—is a paradigm shift from mainstream exclusionary perspectives. To illuminate racism as bonding, I highlight racist playing. As a 1-year-old infant who was eager to communicate with my English-speaking caregivers, I quickly adopted a new gesture that my white mother called “playing indian”—the racist expression used to describe a white family role-playing game. Racism as bonding, therefore, demonstrates how white supremacy is maintained through its inclusionary function for white people, not exclusion of people of color.

Conclusions and Implications: Findings highlight the urgency of anti-racism to address problems associated with transracial adoption. In my own white adoptive family, we needed to see racism in everyday life—illuminating anger as a strength for anti-racist resistance. Significantly, we needed anti-racism, not colorblindness, to affirm our family bonds. I advance, therefore, anti-adopterism as anti-racist knowledge for strengths-based research with adopted individuals of color.