She Made This about Her: Experiences of Becoming a Mother with a Narcissistic Parent

Background and Purpose: Matrescence describes the transition that occurs when one becomes a mother. This transition includes a myriad of beliefs surrounding maternal role transition and motherhood. Motherhood beliefs are defined as “expectations of motherhood; expectations of the self as a mother; and role conflicts.” Negative motherhood beliefs pose a risk factor for negative outcomes for the mother, such as postpartum depression (PPD). PPD is common, affecting at least one in seven birthing people during pregnancy or the first year after childbirth. Common risk factors that contribute to PPD include history of depression, depression and anxiety during pregnancy, neuroticism, low self-esteem, postpartum blues (“baby blues”), stressful life events, and poor relationships or social support. One such potential relationship which can interact with matrescence it that with the parent of the new mother. Narcissistic parents are defined as “self-centered and self-absorbed parents with an inflated self-image, often disregarding children’s needs because they believe their needs and feelings are the most important.” Given that research indicates poorer mental health outcomes for adults with perceived parental narcissism, it is possible, given the importance of relationships to matrescence, that those who perceive their parents as narcissists may have maladaptive matrescence. This study acts as an exploratory study to ask, “what are the matrescence experiences of those who perceive their parents as narcissists?”

Methods: This study utilized R, an open-source programming language for statistical computing to gather posts using the keyword search from within the SubReddit r/raisedbynarcissists an online platform dedicated to people whose parents are perceived as narcsissistic. This study followed thematic content analysis and methodological guidelines regarding obtaining data from Reddit and identifying specific extraction criteria. First a research question was developed. Second, the main content was chosen for analysis from a cache of any posts to the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit containing the words “pregnancy” or “pregnant”. Third, the comment threads were evaluated for appropriateness to the research question. After reviewing, a total of 512 posts from the last 5 years (March 2018-2023) were included in the analysis. After familiarization with the comments, initial coding took place with an inductive approach. The codes were then separated into themes with all researchers’ consensus. Following that, the themes were refined into more relevant themes by comparing the themes to the entire data set as a whole.

Results: Several themes emerged from the thematic analysis of the Reddit comments. 1. This was all about them. 2. I want to be a mother my way. 3. Grief of becoming a mother experience. 4. My mental health is suffering.

Conclusions and Implications: The main outcome of the study was that those who perceived their parents as narcissists felt that their maternal mental health suffered due to the loss of key functions of matrescence: experiencing disrupted maternal role transition, loss of maternal competency and confidence, and loss of positive feelings associated with the role transition. These findings highlight the importance of addressing parental narcissism as a clinical topic when working with people experiencing perinatal mental health challenges.