The Lived Experiences of Gay Fathers Who Used Breastmilk Donations for Their Babies

Background and Purpose: The current study explores Israeli male same sex couples, and single gays fathers’ unconventional decision, to use breastmilk donations for their infants. Gays who wants to become fathers in Israel are severely discriminated against. Surrogacy in Israel is forbidden for same sex couples or single gay fathers, and adoptions is only permitted for single gay parent and only older kids can be adopted. Surrogacy is only for gays who can afford a very expensive and long-distance process, outside Israel. The purpose of this present study is to examine the unique meaning and lived experiences of gay parents who seek breastmilk donation. Moreover, we wish to understand the symbolic attribute of breastmilk, through the eyes of male-same sex couples, and single gay fathers for their newborn babies.

Methods: We adopted a qualitative, phenomenological multiple case study approach. A multiple case study has from 4 to 10 cases, each of which should be situated within the unique contexts that provide the information to be analyzed (Stake, 2013). Accordingly, our study contains seven cases – each case is a gay family who had a baby through surrogacy and choose to use breastmilk donations. In addition, our study has features of revelatory case study, as it is the first to explore this phenomenon. In-depth interviews were conducted. We applied both within and between cases analysis, focused on the meaning that fathers apply to their experiences of seeking breastmilk donation.

Results: Results show that participants experience breast milk in two ways: concretely and symbolically. Both forms are driven by feelings of subordination resulting from not being able to breastfeed and not being able to perform surrogacy locally in Israel. Participants shared the challenges of finding a breastmilk donor. Some struggled with stigma and were rejected by breastmilk donors because they were gay, while others had the opposite experience. They experienced a lack of control because they could not monitor the quality of the milk (e.g., pathogens or other possible contaminants), and some asked donors for blood tests to confirm that they were healthy. Fathers' responses were mixed, often negative. Symbolically, breast milk donation was perceived as compensation for "not having lactating breasts." By giving their babies "liquid gold," they felt they were giving them the best start in life. Participants shared stories about the "magic picnic cooler," the cooler that was used to transport frozen breast milk, as an important breastfeeding tool. This color can be symbolically identified as a "breast" that carries milk.

Conclusions and Implications: This study expends the discourse on surrogacy in Israel and raise awareness of gay father’s parental needs and the unique practice of breastmilk donation in Israel.