Parenting in a Fishbowl: A Qualitative Study of Maternal-Child Bonding in an Intimate Partner Violence Shelter

Background: Few studies have explored mothers’ experiences parenting in homeless and intimate partner violence (IPV) shelters and the role of parenting surveillance by shelter staff to ensure mothers are following the shelter rules related to parenting. Although there are numerous studies on attachment and the parent-child relationship, comparably, much less is known about how living in a shelter is associated with the primary attachment bond from the mother's perspective. This study explores how the daily environment of an IPV shelter impacts survivors’ ability to bond with their children and their sense of ability to parent.

Methods: Through semi-structured interviews with mothers (N=15), we explored how living in an IPV shelter affected their relationship with their children. Participants were recruited from IPV shelters and transitional housing in two states in the Southern United States. Mothers living in transitional housing were asked to reflect on parenting when they lived in an emergency shelter. This study included eight mothers who identified as White and seven who identified as Black. The overall age range for all mothers was 26 to 41 years old, with an average age of 34 for mothers in this qualitative sample. Braun and Clarke’s (2022) thematic analysis was used to code and generate themes inductively.

Results: The researchers identified three themes: 1) tension of togetherness, 2) parenting in a fishbowl, and 3) many roads to the same end when it comes to coping. Regarding the theme “tension togetherness,” mothers found the shelter policy that required them to have their children within eyesight at all times stressful initially. Many mothers recognized that though stressful, the policy provided an opportunity to focus on their children and bond with them, which they could not always do while living in a violent environment. Some mothers discussed the advantages of utilizing the shelter “mommy breaks,” in which staff would care for their children for an hour. The theme “parenting in a fishbowl” reflects the mothers’ feeling of having their parenting observed constantly by shelter staff and other residents. The theme “many roads to the same end when it comes to coping” highlights the various types of coping strategies used by mothers, which included pampering (e.g., doing their hair, makeup, painting their nails), outdoor recreation (e.g., walking outdoors, visiting parks), and leisure (e.g., coloring, reading, watching TV, social media). Some mothers reported they engaged in self-care by spending time with friends and family, while others felt working on their case management goals was helpful for their stress.

Conclusion and Implications: Findings from this study demonstrate that living in an IPV shelter can be very stressful for mothers due to shelter policies and parenting in a group living environment where others constantly observe them. More research is needed that includes mothers living in IPV shelters in other regions of the United States and a more diverse sample. Increased funding is needed for shelters to hire additional staff who can provide children’s programming and childcare for families.