At the Bottom of the Marriage-Seeking Chain? Divorced Mothers in Chinese Urban Romance Markets

Background: China has seen a consistent increase in divorce and remarriage rates since the 1980s. However, research on the partner-seeking behaviors of urban divorced mothers— a culturally tabooed population— has been scarce. This exploratory research reports on two consecutive studies that aim to shed light on the unique partner-seeking challenges faced by this marginalized group of divorced mothers in urban China.

Methods: Study 1 focused on offline marriage markets, exploring how divorced mothers presented themselves and how the older generation perceived them. It employed participant observation and interviews (n = 26) based in anthropology to gather data from the three largest offline marriage markets in City B. Study 2 examined whether marriageable men held similar or different perceptions of divorced mothers compared to the older generation, and whether these perceptions varied by cultural environment. We hypothesized that divorced mothers would not face a significant disadvantage in their reception compared to unmarried singles and divorced singles in the online romance markets. A 9-day between-subjects experiment was conducted on an online dating app with a geographic roaming function, enabling data collection across different cities in China.

Findings: In Study 1, we found that few divorced mothers participated in offline marriage markets, where a woman's marital history—whether from divorce or even prior cohabitation with an ex-boyfriend—significantly undermined their chances of finding a partner. Regardless of their socioeconomic background, women had internalized cultural and societal expectations of the “ideal wife,” which were reflected in their advertisements in these markets. Thematic analyses revealed an unfavorable ecology for divorced mothers in the offline marriage market, with the older generation often placing them at the bottom of the partner-seeking hierarchy. A combination of stigma, economic concerns, and moral judgments contributed to the social isolation of divorced mothers—not only from potential partners but also from broader social networks within the marriage market. This isolation perpetuates their marginalization, creating a self-reinforcing cycle of exclusion that is difficult to break. Study 2 partially supported our hypothesis that divorced mothers were not significantly disadvantaged in the online romance market, where eligible men themselves tended to seek partners. However, in inland cities like City Z—where more traditional family values persist—divorced mothers remained less popular in the online romance market compared to never-married single women and divorced singles due to cultural lag.

Conclusion and Implications: This exploratory research reveals a complex intersection between traditional family values and the evolving social landscape in China. The findings lay a foundation for future studies and offer valuable insights for social work interventions at both individual and systemic levels. From a social work perspective, the findings call for multi-level interventions that address both individual empowerment and broader cultural and systemic changes. Social workers can play a crucial role in helping divorced mothers navigate their personal and social challenges in seeking new romantic relationships, while also advocating for a more inclusive and equitable society.